Thursday, March 20

and then we had a baby

the end came rather suddenly.

i wanted so bad to not be pregnant anymore. so bad. i wanted to hold my baby, to see his face, to start our life as family of three. i had rehearsed that moment in my head - maybe i'd call matt at work or wake him up in the middle of the night or annoy him with a running commentary of "is it or isn't it?" while we watched television in the evening. i'd tell him that my water broke or that those annoying contractions i'd been feeling for weeks were finally consistent and this was the real deal. but as much as wished and hoped, i knew we might be waiting another week or two for that moment. 

then at my 39 week appointment things were a little off. my little baby bump was always small, but that day it was a little more worrisome. not only did it not grow, it got smaller. this could be explained any number of ways - some concerning, some not. we needed more information. an ultrasound was scheduled and then an non-stress test. when we finally got to meet with our consulting obstetrician, we basically got a neutral answer. the baby is perfectly fine, but my placenta and fluid levels were less than optimal and it was probably time to coax him on out before he was negatively affected. 

my midwife came to the hospital to talk through everything again and help us finalize our decisions. we scrapped our plans for a med-free out of hospital birth and registered for a medicated induction the next morning. the best laid plans of mice and men, and all. matt and i went home a little shocked. this was it. i don't either of us really slept that night. 

the induction, as explained to us, would happen in two phases. phase one is like induction lite;  it just preps your body for the real deal and it can take up to 24 hours. the second phase is where it gets real, you're leaving here with an outside baby come hell or high water, and is typically another 12-24 hours. you can imagine my joy when the obstetrician determined that my body had already surpassed the intended goal of phase one and we could go straight to phase two. cross a hypothetical 24 hours off the timeline? yes, please. 

i got comfy in bed and the hooked me up to the monitors and medication. i spend the next eight hours wondering why women complain so much about labour. i mean, i was having contractions and i could feel them, but it wasn't that bad. oh how naive i was! about that time the obstetrician decided to break my water and then it. got. real. medically augmented labours are notoriously painful, but nothing could have prepared me for just how awful it would be. 

the only saving grace in this part of the story is that things moved a lot faster. i agonized for two hours before deciding that the ideal of a med free birth was long gone and there would be no prizes awarded for denying pain medication. that sweet, sweet epidural came just in time. it didn't take the feeling away, just the pain, and that's all i needed. within thirty minutes it was time to puuuuush. and push i did. forty minutes later there was a sweet, squishy baby laying on my chest.

the long 9 months of pregnancy were over. the 12 hours and 15 minutes of labour were over. it was finally the end. and yet, in probably the most dramatic instance, the rest of our lives were just beginning...


Rhys William Cooper Fitzgerald
8lbs 5 oz. 21 inches. 10:46pm. February 28, 2014. 

Wednesday, February 12

thirty-seven

i can't believe it's gone by so fast. i've said this a million time, but it's true. that due date that seemed impossibly far away last June is just 17 days from now. woah. 

i started maternity leave last friday. it was a bittersweet end. work was exhausting the last few months, but i truly enjoyed my job and felt a great sense of accomplishment doing my small part to create a better community. i'll miss that. 

so now we wait. i'm happy to spend these last few days puttering around the house, visiting with friends, and cherishing the end of "just the two of us." 


Friday, January 10

thirty-three

i know you're mostly here for the bump so i'll reward you immediately. you can accept the sweatpants as a bonus.


we're so close and yet so far from the end. four weeks left of work, seven-ish until we actually meet this little guy... time cannot go by fast enough. 

i'm so ready for the next phase. to actually hold my baby, to figure out what it really means to be a mom. and although i know it won't be perfect or easy, i'm really looking forward to being home for a year. i miss the mundane things like cooking and cleaning. i miss setting my own plans for each day and answering only to myself (... and occasionally matt when it was obvious that i did nothing in the 8+ hours he was out earning the money!). i realize this tiny, completely dependent creature is going to foil all my romantic notions of homemaking, but it doesn't stop me from dreaming. the change of pace and of purpose, even if it comes with sleep deprivation, will be warmly welcomed. 

Sunday, November 3

the nursery

i've been designing this room long before we were ever expecting a little one. dreaming up colour schemes, adding decor, creating a comfortable space to just be... it's what i do. i've hardly perfected the art, but it's still my favourite hobby. my house and all it's little spaces are constantly evolving, striving to make each corner work to it's fullest potential.

i started out with a picture in my mind for our nursery - a canoe shack on the edge of a hidden lake, vibrant colours, rich wood tones, time worn, but loved. not entirely unlike the rest of our house, but this would be an opportunity to incorporate some of my beloved treasures that haven't found a permanent place elsewhere.

as i started gathering, i was almost shocked to realize how well these pieces coordinated with each other since i've been collecting various pieces for the better part of a decade. vintage wooden deer that were a wedding gift to my parents, a quilt and sheets i used in college, Matt's favourite orange leather chair we purchased in New Brunswick, a clock that was a christmas gift from Matt, a task lamp i purchased because i liked the colour. some of it i've gathered more recently with the intention of putting it in this room - an antique teak single bed frame, a vintage grey wool military issued blanket, and the crib which was a generous gift from my parents.

i can't wait to see how the rest of it evolves as we finish the room over the next few months!




twenty-three

it's november. i feel like i've lost the last month in a flurry of colourful autumn leaves and a very busy calendar. matt and i have worked opposite shifts quite a bit and that has the tendency to make us lose track of time. it's my least favourite aspect that came from his job change last spring, but we deal. 

in the meantime, we found out that we're expecting a baby boy! besides scouting out all the plaid flannel shirts and skinny jeans for tiny boys, i've spent a considerable amount of time planning his nursery. i can't wait to actually finish the room and see it all together in real life. 

so... twenty-three weeks! i can still hide the bump under looser clothes, which has meant several conversations with very shocked friends who haven't seen me in a few weeks. i finally gave up on regular pants... today, actually. i wore these jeans to church and decided it was too uncomfortable to sit for any length of time. so far i've made two pairs of maternity pants (regular pants + some sort of stretchy material) and both will be a welcome change in the coming weeks. 

the outtakes were the best of our quick photo shoot. it's too cold to stand outside without a proper winter coat... and i spent most of the time laughing. 

Thursday, October 3

eighteen weeks

i'm pretty sure all pregnancies go through the same sort of phases. in the beginning that due date seems so far away. there are nearly three full seasons between finding out and actually having a baby in your arms. but life rolls on and at some point you realize it's coming faster than you expected. and it's a little bit terrifying.

we hit that second phase this week. eighteen?! that's two away from twenty! and twenty is half of forty! and then it spiraled into a slight panic of how fast the weeks are passing and how much there is left to do before this kid arrives... which in our case is basically all of it.  oh well, necessities will get done and the rest of it can ride. at least that's what i'm telling myself. 

this has also been the week of the plague. i am rarely sick, but i've decided i'm a miserable person when it happens. i feel like i'm going to die and i am quick to inform matt of that. being pregnant only makes that worse. now would be a good time to feel sorry for matt. he deserves it for putting up with me these last few days. 

i decided to dig up a picture i took the day we found out and compare it to now. i can still hide my bump quite easily and no one who doesn't know would even guess that i'm pregnant, but it's still neat to see the change.